My Agency Sent Me a Chaperone. I Thought She Was a Spy

I Ordered a Salad Because I Thought the Mini Burgers Were a Test

Last week I was at the premiere of a new series, doing the usual: mingling, taking it all in. And then I noticed some young actors with chaperones, and it took me right back to being 15 and alone in New York.

When I got to New York for the first time, I was there with no parents and no one who knew me. Just me, a suitcase, and a lot of big dreams.

Since I was one of the youngest models and alone, my agency arranged a chaperone for me.

My chaperone was in her mid-20s, and she quickly became my first friend in the city. Shopping for castings meant black on black on black, plus high heels, and she took me to get all of it. From there, she walked me to every casting and checked in on me the whole way through. Because of her, I never felt like I was doing this alone.

She was basically my guardian angel that first year.

Except, in the beginning, I didn't see it that way. I was convinced the agency had sent her to monitor my every move and step. A spy in disguise.

It was during New York Fashion Week, and we had been running from casting to casting all day. We stopped for lunch, and she ordered mini burgers.

I panicked.

I had no idea how much a model was supposed to eat, or what she was supposed to eat. Nobody had told me. So when I saw those burgers, I thought, she's testing me. She wants to see if I'll eat something unhealthy.

So I ordered a salad. Only a salad.

She looked at me and said, "Why are you only having a salad? You're having an intense day. You have a lot of castings. You should eat."

And I still thought it was a trick.

It wasn't. It was someone being kind to me, and I was too scared to see it.

That's what that world does when you are that young and nobody explains the rules. You start doubting the people who are on your side.

So watching those young actors at the premiere, I felt grateful. I hope they let themselves be looked after, because I didn't, not at first.

It took me years to figure out how to actually take care of myself: which workouts were right for my body, and what healthy, nutritious food looked like. We had to learn it on our own. I'm so glad times have changed and that healthy look on the runway is more of a norm now.